Against My Will
by kayayeteferturtle
Summary: Set a few years before the attack at Shiganshina Emory is thrown forcefully into the Scout regimen. Emory isn't the conventional soldier however, and pushes the buttons of everyone. When Emory comes toe-to-toe with Levi she passes him off as another order obeying drone, but there is an undeniable connection between the two. Will her past effect her building feelings towards Levi?
1. Chapter 1

I can't lie I have done some awful things in my life, but getting arrested for stealing an apple for a starving girl was not how I thought I would get incarcerated. I've always been a rebel, or at least a hard headed girl with nothing to lose, but I do have a soft spot for those who have are going through the same struggles as I have. I grew up on the metaphorical "south side" of everywhere. I've never really had a home, but I guess I could say that my life started in the northern region of Wall Maria. As I sit here in my small, dingy, moldy prison cell I can't help but go over my life and all the rather stupid decisions I've made that landed me here. The might have been stupid decision, but I can proudly say that I don't regret them. I don't even regret stealing that apple. I, and believe it or not many others live by a certain code, but I'll get to that later, right now I hear a few guards heading my way.

"Good morning, or is it evening yet? Eh, either way, hello pigs." I announced rather loudly letting it echoed through the prison hall

I heard hoops and hollers from my fellow prisoners as my words bounced their way to them.

"Get up inmate it's time to put your skill to the test." A tall and thin man announced as he began to unlock my cell door

"You two finally going to take me up on my offer? Even without my trusted swords I can take you both down." I laughed as I stood in front of my cell door

"Oh no sweetheart, we are going to finally let you try and bring down a titan. You've been talking all this shit about how you can do it without ODM gear, well now is your chance." The second man who was significantly shorter than the first boasted

"What happens when I live up to all the hype? Let's make a wager, I win I walk free, and if I lose, well of course that means I die. I see it as a win, win." I mocked

"Freedom, sure what could it hurt." The second man sneered and had an evil glint in his eyes.

I narrowed my eyes at him wary to a possible hidden motive, or him being in of something that could end badly for me even if I win. The door was finally opened and I stepped out to allow them to hand cuff me and escort me to the battling arena.

"I said I'll do it without ODM gear, but at least allow me my swords, and not those piece of shit swords the military uses, I want _my_ swords." I protested as we walked through the corridors

"Don't worry that pretty head of yours; we got all of your stuff waiting for you. We figured that fighting without ODM gear was going to be hard enough, so we've allowed you all the weaponry you can carry. That includes your precious swords." The tall man laughed down to me like I was a joke

The two men laughed and slapped each other on the back, and I felt a hand firmly grip the toned muscles of my ass. My body went ridged as dark memories broke the flood gates. A painful past came flashing before my eyes. My back burned as hundreds of scars grew sensitive to the fabric of my shirt rubbing against them. Visions of being tied down, blood, ropes, whips, and pain, so much pain flashed over and over again before my eyes.

"You better remove your hand _sir_ or you'll be the first person I find when I'm free." I snarled

The man's grip got tighter for a second before he released and place his hand back on my mid-back, "When you're free." The man laughed

"Here we are." They announced and opened a door that leads into their armory.

The forcefully shoved me inside and stepped in behind me. I scanned the room uninterested by the weapons; I was looking for two things in particular. I scanned over and over again and then I saw a familiar glimmer hidden behind canisters of ODM gear gas.

"Trying to hide them from me? We have a bond that neither of you could understand. Take off my cuffs so I can get them." I snapped

"Damn it. I owe you 5 bucks." The taller one sighed to the shorter one as he un-cuffed my shackles

I rubbed my wrists and approached my beloved swords. I kicked the canisters away and grabbed the double edged, bastard swords. Their scabbards laid hidden behind them and I began to strap it on to its rightful place at my back. I slide both swords behind me in their scabbards and walked back to where my keepers waited.

"Come on boys, I have a date with a titan." I announced happily as I walked out of the room

"Wait! That is really all you are going to take?" The short one asked confused

In the blink of an eye I withdrew on sword and held the sharp pointed tip millimeters from his Adam's apple, "Don't question my abilities with these swords."

I lowered the sword and gracefully put it back behind me. The two blink several times trying to collect their thoughts and process what had just happened before following several paces behind me. I stopped in front of a set of think wooden doors. I could hear the roar and cheering of a crowd clearly behind them. My keepers didn't say a word on what to do next so I pushed both doors open with ease and stepped out into the arena. The roar of the crowd grew louder as I entered and fan began to chant "Blood Bath" as they took notice to the lack of ODM gear. I slowly turned around looking at the thousands of face staring down at me, cheering for my death. Since when did this become a sport watching so called criminals die battling them. Every face I saw looked of glee and excitement as I continued to slowly turn around except one. A man, he had short black hair and it looked like it had been buzzed into a more stylish bowl cut. He looked annoyed, or uninterested by this so called sport, or he just had resting bitch face. He sat smack in the middle of the sitting area. He was wearing the Scout's Wings of Freedom on his tan jacket, but a white shirt with a ruffled ascot tucked neatly into the neck. Now that I was really observing it looked like several of other men from the Scout regimen was sitting next to and around him.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!" a loud voice came booming through the arena

Close to the Scouts was a stage where a short portly man waddled his way to the center. He was dressed in lavish and brightly colored clothes of purples and yellows. He had a clean shaved face and graying red hair.

"As you can see here we have a challenger who thinks they can take on a titan without proper training…"

" _I guess proper is a good way to put it, but trust me pot roast I have training… my life has been nothing but training."_ I rolled my eyes and thought to myself

"But to give it even more of a challenge this young lady here has decided to take on a titan without ODM gear." The man exclaimed and the cheering in the crowd grew so loud that I covered my ears to dull it down

"The woman you see down there before you is a criminal! She has been caught stealing food from a respectable vendor! Since being imprisoned she has done nothing but boast about her sword wielding abilities and how she could take down a titan better than any of our well trained Scouts." The man said with a flourish that cause the already rowdy crowd to become almost mob like.

"Let's get to this! Release the beast!" The man yelled barely audible over the crowd

A large door slowly began to lift upward. I turned to face the where my opponent would be entering. Once half way up a 7 meter titan came stumbling out with an ear to ear grin. The idiot beast looked like he was almost giddy to be here, but you couldn't blame the ugly son-of-a-bitch, a good fight was something to behold. I took a steading breath and slowly grew both of my well trusted swords from behind me. The light hit them and the sent a blinding light into the crowd; I heard a chorus of "oh's and awe's" from the crowd. The titan quickly took notice to the shiny swords and began to run at me full speed. I smiled, more like a snarled, and ran full tilt towards him. The titan got down on all fours and I began to watch his gait analyzing it for the perfect moment. Once I saw my opportunity available I jumped stepping hard on the titans pointed nose. I leapt straight up and allowed the titan to move a few steps ahead before falling back down and stabbing one of my bastard swords deep into his shoulder. The crowd went crazy and everyone was on their feet. I relished the feeling of being cheered on and if fueled my fire. The titan screamed out in pain as the double edge sword dug deep into his skin. The bastard stood up and temporarily threw me off balance. I balanced myself on the one sword stuck in the titans should and used the second one to give me another place to hang on to. The titan began to swing its long arms trying to swat me off, but I was prepared. Once he brought both arms back and hugged himself I removed my swords and used his arms as a platform and jumped prepared to strike the nap of his neck. I swung my mighty swords slicing out a large chuck of his neck. The titan stilled and slowly began to fall forward. I rode the fall calmly and proudly as the beast came crashing to the ground. The crowd with dead silent, but once the dust settled and the saw my standing with blood steaming off my swords, the roar returned louder than ever.

"Would you all look at that! She-She actually did it." The pot roast man exclaimed baffled.

The titan began to steam underneath me causing it to get uncomfortably hot. I jumped down and waved to my adoring fans, but I took notice to the Scouts leaving in an orderly fashion.

"Good show inmate, but now it's time to go." The tall man was walking towards me holding out a set of shackles.

"No, no, I was promised my freedom." I began to back up ready to run

"Oh don't worry we aren't taking you back to your cell. Just come peacefully and you'll be out of here in no time." The man said snidely

"I'll come peacefully, but only if I can go without the handcuffs." I snapped back

A tall blonde man with unmistakable eyebrow began to approach us, "It's fine, you don't need to shackle her."

"Yes Commander Erwin." The guard bowed

I followed the man who must be Erwin out of the arena and through another corridor. We took several turns and then stopped in front door. The Commander opened the door and I quickly noticed the same Scouts that were sitting in the crowd. The Commander took a seat behind an old and dusty desk and motioned for me to take a seat in front of him.

"I'd rather stand." I grumbled

"If you wish." Erwin took out a file of papers and opened them up in front of him, "Is your name Emory Jensen?"

"It's just Em." I corrected

"And it says here you have brown hair and green eyes, distinct scars on your back, and are approximately 5ft 2in tall." Erwin stated but it sounded almost like a question.

There was an awkward silence in the room for a few moments and then Erwin looked up to me expecting an answer. I looked around the room to all of those present, but no one answered.

"Umm… are you blind?" I retorted

"Just answer me." Erwin said through gritted teeth

"Yes I am a short brunette with green eyes. I weigh 130 pounds, I'm 23 years old, have no allergies to speak of, I enjoy long walks by water, and my favorite food is surprisingly not apples." I replied sarcastically

I heard a few muffled laughs from the other men in the room and I smiled to myself proudly.

"There is no need for the attitude, Emory." Erwin arched a rather large eyebrow

"It's Em." I mumbled and rolled my eyes, "Is this a part of the release process or something? I'd really like start enjoying my freedom."

"You will be leaving soon, but keep in mind you aren't completely free." Erwin straightened the folder and closed it.

"No, got something wrong here. See I was promised if I win I get to walk out of here a free woman, and I get to go back to my slum dog life roaming the land." I corrected Erwin

"No the deal was if you win and I like you join the military. You won, but I starting to not like you. I can't deny that you have abilities that could be useful in the field." Erwin sighed, "You are coming with us so you can be a part of the Scout regiment."

"No." I said sternly

"Excuse me?" Erwin asked shocked

"You heard me, no. I don't like people, especially people like all of you, I don't play well with others, and I have a life to go live outside of here." I said casually

"What going back to thieving and criminal mischief?" I deep smooth voice said somewhere close to me

I turned to follow the voice and met the un-amused eyes of the man from the crowd you caught my attention.

"Possibly, but what's it to you? You're not the military police, and by the look on your face you don't want to be here anyways." I sneered

The man stood and I was shocked to see that he almost at eye level with me. He was maybe a few inches taller than me, if that. He circled around me several times inspecting my body, my posture, and making me incredibly uncomfortable. The flood gates opened again and my dark past came flashing in front of my eyes again. I silently prayed that he wouldn't touch me, or that this wasn't going to way that it usually goes when a man slowly circles around me.

"What is it Captain Levi?" Erwin asked intrigued

"She's replaceable, really there isn't anything special about her other than her abilities, but guaranteed we can find another with the same abilities and less lip. Possibly one that's been through the cadet camp." Levi replied with a monotone voice

"You're one to judge, what are you 5' 4" barely bigger than me. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black." I replied angrily

"Prove it then." Levi looked me straight in the eyes

"Reverse psychology? I'm not stupid." I narrowed my eyes

"If you don't accept this offer you go back into the dungeon." Erwin narrowed his eyes

I took my attention away from Levi and directed it back to Erwin where I weighted my options, but there wasn't much to consider. If I ever wanted to see the light of day again I would have to accept their offer, but that meant spending my life following someone directions and having to work with people I could care less about. It could be possible to sneak away and continue my normal life with the only family I have left, but I would live constantly looking behind my back waiting to get caught. It was either literally be alone in a cell, or either be metaphorically alone surround around people that will only see me as a criminal. I stared at Erwin without actually seeing him as I ran all the scenarios I could think over through my head.

"Fine, I'll join." I said coldly and I swear I saw both Erwin and Levi smile, "But you get what you get. I don't do so well with authority; just asked dumb and dumber over there."

The two guard's heads suddenly snapped to attention as the Scouts looked to them. They both blushed being caught not completely paying attention and I laughed silently.

"One condition though." I turned back to Erwin

"Continue." Erwin shook his head

"I use my swords not your shitty excuse for cutlery." I placed a hand on one of the hilts behind me

"I think that is manageable, anything else?" Erwin asked surprisingly understanding

"Well if you're asking; I'm not starting has someone's page girl, I don't do errands or scutt work. I'm not going to your stupid cadet school; I already know all the same things they do, and I'm guaranteed better at swordsmanship than they are. Lastly, I'm not going to be the just one of the newbies; I'm not going to be their friend, or room with them, I told you I don't play well with others and I meant it. I want a respectable place in your squad or whatever you call it." I listed out sternly

"I'll make it work. Now we should get going before the sunsets. I assume you know how to ride a horse?" Erwin still was surprisingly cavalier about my demands

"Yes, of course." I replied warily, suspicious of his calm composure

Erwin shook his head and everyone stood and saluted the Commander with right hand in a fist across their body and resting on their heart, and their left behind them on the opposite side. I looked around confused on what I was supposed to do so I swung my head around looking for any hint of what to come next. Once the Commander left the room everyone stopped saluting and followed behind. I fell in behind them and blindly followed them through the corridors until we found the exit. The sun was blinding and I shielded my eyes with an arm. I wasn't sure how long I had been underground in the dungeons, but if I had to guess it was at least a month, which meant that I hadn't seen sunlight in a month give or take. The soldiers started mounting their steeds and I looked for a spare horse.

"You'll ride with me." A low voice said

"Joy, Captain Excitement." I rolled my eyes as I turned to see Levi sitting on a horse extending a hand

I sighed and took his hand and jumped up onto the horse behind him. I was surprised by how soft and gentle his touch was, and the quick embrace sent goose bumps up my arm. We began through the town at a walk and I took the relaxed moment to let the sun wash over my face and warm my skin. I closed my eyes and stretched my head up towards the sky preventing any shadow from not allowing any precious light to go to waste.

"Enjoying the nice weather back there?" Levi asked sarcastically

"Not that you care, but yes." I replied not allowing his tone to ruin my moment

"You might want to hang on its going to get a little rough." Levi nearly laughed

"Wha-" I was cut short when the horse was kicked into a gallop

Out of surprised reaction I wrapped my arms around Levi's waist, and the momentum pushed my chest into his back. I couldn't tell by the flowy shirt that Levi was cut and defined. It took me by surprised by the muscles, and I could feel them tighten and contract and he matched the rhythm of the horses' gait. With my head centimeter from his shoulder I could smell the faint smells of sweat, pine needles, and… cleaning products? Now that I was unusually close to him I noticed how clean and well put together he was especially being in the military.

"We're here." Levi announced but didn't mention how I grabbed on to him

I looked past his shoulder and saw an old castle that must have belonged to a king thousands of years ago.

"I never thought I would be in a place like this." I whispered to no one in particular

"It dirty and run down so don't get excited." Levi ruined my moment

"Well I promise my room will be spotless." I said proudly

Levi turned his head slightly to look back at me, and I could see the corner of his lips turn upward slightly. From what I could tell from the little I knew about Levi, he wasn't someone who smiled often.

"You should try smiling more. It makes your eyes a little less depressed looking." I jested

The smile fell and Levi's almost permanent scowl took its place again. Levi turn back to face forward and we walked through a draw bridge like gate.

"Oh come one captain lighten up. You're going to have to get used to my humor seeing as though I'm going to be around for a little while… against my will. I'm trying to make the best of this. You know finding the happiness where ever I can." I laughed

Levi pulled back the reigns and the horse stopped immediately throwing me back against Levi's back.

"Get down." Levi commanded sternly

I slide down off the horse and Levi kicked the horse back into a walk and away they went.

"Wait! Where do I go?" I asked confused

"Just wait there." Levi said without raising his voice

"I don't trust him to come back." I grumbled as I looked around and tried to figure out where to go

I saw a group of people and figured I'd follow them because it was either they would go inside or lead me to food. I jogged to catch up and then began blend into the crowd so I wouldn't look like a confused civilian. I stood out, however, I was in ripped black pants, and baggy ill-fitting tunic, and ragged riding boots. I kept my head down and moved along with the flow of the soldiers. I got a few side eyes glances, but ignored them. As we moved closer towards the large castle doors I could smell bread baking and my stomach rumbled painfully reminding me that I hadn't eaten in days. Once we entered the castle I broke way and followed my nose to where I though the bread would be. I moved blindly through the halls and eventually lost my trail of yeasty goodness. Now I was just lost in a strange castle where I didn't know anyone except Levi and Erwin, and I they were the last people I wanted to run into.

"Are you lost." A now familiar deep voice came echoing through the hall

"Damn it." I whispered and turned around, "Yes, I am. I smelled food and now I'm lost and starving."

"First things first; I have your new clothes." Levi held out a bundle of neatly folded clothes

"I guess it beats these old rags, even if I now look like the rest of you sheep." I shrugged and approached Levi

"My chambers are just up here; you can change there and then I'll show you to the dining hall." Levi said coldly and walked past me without handing me the clothes

I was taken aback by his action, but I turned on my heels and followed behind. Levi pushed open a door with one hand and stepped inside holding it open for me to follow behind. When I was completely inside the first thing I noticed was how pristine everything was; the bed was made without a single crease, there was hardly anything on the desk in front of the window, but what was there has laying straight and spaced evenly from each other, and there wasn't a speck a dust anywhere to be seen. Levi closed the door and walked over to the bed where he placed the clothing. I began to take off my old rags and shoes when Levi turned around. I saw his cheeks blush a subtle pink as he looked at my slender, toned, scar riddled body.

"Have you ever seen a girl in her underwear before?" I asked in a serious tone

Levi didn't turn around but cast his gaze down to a spot in front of him.

I laughed through my nose and walked past him to where my new clothes were waiting. I stood side by side with Levi and I could see him looking at my back through my peripherals. My scars were not subtle what-so-ever; many of them were raise and ridge, others were pale and long, and I had a few that were still healing. My scars were not something I felt like discussing ever and definitely didn't want to talk about them with Levi. I unbuckled my scabbards and slide them off my shoulders so I could place them on top the bed. I slid the creamy white tunic over my head and it fit much better than the previous shirt I had been wearing. Next I put on the stark white pants on and had to jump a few times to get them over my ass. They were skin tight against my thighs and butt, but I figured that it was for the ODM straps and gear. The pants had a leather skirt-like piece sown on to it that was scalloped on top of one another in the front. I grabbed my scabbard and buckled it back on to my back before putting on the tan leather jacket on top. The tilts stuck up and they were not hindered by the collar of the coat. I reached back with both hands and pretended to draw the swords a few times.

"I'll have to make some adjustments, but this isn't too bad and comfortable so that is a plus." I said running my hands over my new clothes.

I hadn't noticed that Levi had turned back around and was watching my pretend with my swords.

"Can we eat now?" I asked holding my stomach as it growled

Levi shook his head and went back to the door and opened it allowing me to go out first. I waited for him to exit so I didn't get lost again. Levi walked past me and down the hall without saying anything, and I had to jog to catch up with him. We walked for what like miles before I could smell food again. Levi pushed open another door and the aroma of food filled my nose and caused my mouth to salivate. Levi hadn't lead me to the dining hall but instead directly into the kitchen. He grabbed two trays and began to fill them up, and I was on his heels so he didn't get far away with my food. Once he had loaded each plate with a variety of food he exited through a different door and into a large hall filled with hundreds of other soldiers dressed identically. There was a sea of tan, blue, and white from the coats and the wings of freedom on their sleeves. I continued to stay close behind Levi as he navigated through the dining hall. Eventually he stopped at a table full of other people eating. Everyone looked up or stopped their conversation when Levi placed the trays down. Everyone greeted Levi warmly and then noticed as I stood behind him confused as to what was going and who they were.

"Emory this is my team, and now you're a part of it too. This is Emory Jensen." Levi said monotonously and sat down

I was greeted just as warmly as Levi had, "It's just Em"

I sat down across from Levi and began to shovel food into my mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

The feeling of being alone set in as I sat next to unfamiliar faces talking about unfamiliar topics. I was surrounded by people who have spent years with each other, and none of them wanted anything to do with me. Everyone was talking amongst each other about kills and assists, and who was taking care of whose horses. I finished my meal and left the table. I walked through the dining hall and if felt hundreds of eyes watching me as a moved towards the entrance. There were hushed whispers from passing tables; everyone was trying to figure out who I was, or why I was here because I was a face that no one recognized. I tried to ignore them as best as I could, but there was a small part of me that was bothered by the disgusted tones in their voices, and sickened stares. I didn't know where I was going, but I wanted to get far away from them. My first thought was to run away but I doubt I would get far. Erwin was probably expecting me to run and would have a search party after me before I could make it back into town. I didn't know where anything was here except for Levi's chambers and I didn't want to be in a small room seeing as though I just got out of my cell a few hours ago. I walked down the hall and found the large heavy doors that I knew lead outside. I pushed them open just enough for me to slip through. I didn't want to open them to much in case they creaked and would give away my position. I stepped outside and felt the sun warm my skin instantly. I hadn't noticed the pathway was lined with blooming rose bushes. I walked over to the nearest bush where pale pink roses were in full bloom. I knelt down and inhaled the sweet aroma of the roses. I gently pluck out a half bloomed rose and softly twirled it in between my fingers. I walked down the line of bushes and picked out a different colored rose from each. I had a bouquet of red, white, pinks, and even sunset orange roses by the time I made it half way down the line. I held the bouquet up to my nose and breathed in the intoxicating aroma.

"What do you plan to do with all of those?" I deep voice stopped me

"Exactly what I'm doing with them right now; haven't you ever stopped and smelled the roses captain?" I replied with a heavy sarcastic tone

Levi looked to me completely unamused by my question, "You're defiling military property."

"I'm sorry I picked the military's precious flowers." I rolled my eyes and continued down the line of bushes

Levi continued to follow me as I slowly moved from bush to bush collecting more roses.

"Are you just going to witness to my 'crime'?" I sneered

"Yes." Levi replied curtly

"Well if you're going to stick around then be useful and hold these." I shoved the bouquet of roses in his hands so I could use both of my hand

Levi took the roses but looked down to them confused as to why he was willingly holding them. When he thought I wasn't looking he lowered his head to smell the roses and I saw a smile on his lips. I picked more roses and carefully placed them in the bouquet Levi was holding. I arranged the flowers around so that the same colors weren't next to each other.

"There, now I'll have a nice bouquet for my room." I smiled and took the bouquet from Levi

"We should probably see if they found a place for you to stay." Levi said

Levi turned around and began back toward the castle entrance. I sighed and shuffled my feet slowly behind him. I didn't want to go back inside yet, but then again I was excited to finally see where I was staying. Levi moved around the castle with confidence and I completely lost my bearings as to what direction I was moving. Levi stopped in front of a wooden door and knocked twice. I heard a soft voice inviting us in and Levi pulled the door open.

"Commander." Levi saluted

"Captain Levi, please have a seat." Erwin never looked up from what he was doing

Levi and I stepped inside but neither of us sat down.

"I'll only be a moment. I wanted to know if there has been a room assignment for Jensen, sir." Levi asked

"No rush or anything." I added and continued to smell my flowers

Erwin looked up from his paper work and furrowed his large eyebrows as he took notice to my flower collection.

"What are those?" Erwin asked

"Seriously have none of you people seen flowers before? For god sakes they are growing right outside the doors." I rolled my eyes

"They're for her room." Levi said annoyed

"Well about that…" Erwin started

"No don't start with some bullshit about having to room with the newbies from the latest cadet corps." I growled, "We had a deal, commander."

"No you won't be in the barrack. You'll be rooming with Section Commander Hanji." Erwin said casually

I saw an evil glint in Levi's eyes and it made my stomach tighten with anxiety.

"Who the hell is that?" I asked with a nervous anger

Levi turned and grabbed my arm and lead me out of Commander Erwin's office. We continued moving through the castle's maze of halls until we stopped in front of another large wooden door. This time Levi didn't bother knocking, but instead pulled the door open and pulled me inside with him. My eyes widened in shock as I saw the large mess that was splayed all around the room. There were papers, gadgets, tools, and even half eaten food on every square inch of the room.

"Hanji." Levi called out and a figured moved in the corner

I squealed expecting a large rat to come running out of the room trying to escape the mess of the room. Instead of a rat a tall woman began to stand and move towards us.

"Don't be afraid I don't bite!" a voice cooed

"Hanji, this is Emory Jensen. Emory, this is Section Commander Hanji. Meet your new roommate." Levi said with a sense of humorous happiness

"It's Em." I grumbled

Hanji thrusted her hand out enthusiastically in offering to shake mine.

"I'll pass; I see the state of this room and I don't want to know what is on your hand." I refused disgusted

"Don't mind all of that! It's all in the name of science." Hanji laughed

"Well you two have fun." Levi called behind him as he was half way down the hall

"Asshole." I mumbled under my breath as I realized that he had snuck away

Hanji drug me into the disgusting room and began to tell me all about her research about titans. I barely slept that night due to the constant fear of a rat or insects crawling out from the filth and up onto the bed with me. Hanji spend most of the night tinkering with different gadgets and writing in journals. By the time the sunlight broke through the windows I was annoyed, exhausted, and twitching with paranoia. At the first sight of light I jumped out of the bed, threw the door open, and ran down the hall in search of a place to shower. I ran up and down the hall opening all the doors in my desperate search for a wash room with no avail. I expanded my search to different floors and ended up running face first into an unsuspecting person. We collided sending each of us to the floor running our head where we impacted.

"Ouch, I'm sorry I wasn't looking where I was going." I little voice apologized

"It's my fault. Please tell me there is a place to shower in the bloody castle." I groaned in pain

I stood up and dusted myself off and saw that the person I ran into was short than me with light brown hair and an innocent look in her eyes.

"Yeah there is I'll show you were. I'm Petra by the way." Petra said with a sweet voice

"Em." I replied surprised by how friendly she was to a person who plowed into her at full speed

"Oh Emory! Sorry I didn't recognize you. I was sitting at the table last night when Levi introduced you." Petra said happily and began to lead the way to the wash room

I didn't bother correcting her; I was starting to lose faith that anyone would follow my request to call me 'Em'.

"Don't apologize I was the one who ran into you." I said kindly

" _Why am I being so nice to her? Why is she being so nice to me?"_ I thought to myself as I followed Petra

"I'm very excited to begin working with you. All everyone could talk about yesterday was how good you are with those swords, and how you took down that titan. You were the talk of the castle! Everyone is excited to see your skills." Petra exclaimed

" _Wait, so everyone was talking about my skills not my past? Did I misjudge the looks and the hushed murmurs?"_

"Oh, well… thanks?" I stammered awkwardly

"Don't worry about it, you'll get used to us and this place. You're going to fit right in!" Petra smiled at me, "Here we are. Everything is in there that you need to wash up. It was nice talking to you! I'll see you at breakfast."

Petra waved as she walked away and I stood there shocked by her kindness and how accepting she was of me. Could it be possible that no one knows about my criminal past? I pushed opened the door and heard the echoing of others having conversations. I stepped inside and followed the signs to the woman's side. I found towels and soaps and began to undress. I stepped inside a stall and turn the knobs letting the water fall down onto my hands until it was warm enough to begin to wash my hair. I scrubbed every inch of my body with force turning my skin red with irritation. I scrubbed and scrubbed but I still felt like I was covered in the filth of Hanji's room.

" _There is no way in hell that I am spending another night in that filthy room."_ I thought to myself and it sent a shiver down my spine

Eventually I ran out of hot water and had to stop my attempts to feel clean. I stepped out and began to dry off with a towel.

"Shit!" I exclaimed loudly and it echoed through the bathroom

I had forgotten that I didn't have a spare set of clothing to change into when I sprinted out of the room. Come to think of it Levi didn't bring a second set when I changed yesterday. I don't even know where he got the clothing or I would go get another set.

"Is everything alright?" a voice came echoing loudly through the bathroom snapping me out of my thoughts

"Levi? What the hell are you doing!? I'm naked!" I shrieked as I turned to see a shadow in the entry way

"I know it is a bathroom. I can't see you." Levi replied annoyed and in the back of my head I punched myself

I wrapped the towel around me covering myself and stepped out to see Levi also with a towel wrapped around his waist. I arched an eyebrow as I took in the marvelous sight that was Levi half naked in front of me. He was more muscular than I had imagined when we were riding to the castle. The muscles from his chest, to his ribs, and his abs were raised with a ridged definition. Even a blind person could appreciate his body if they ran their hands down him. For a short and angry little man he was actually kind of sexy like this. I began to blush deeply as I continued to look up and down at Levi's physique.

"I-I don't… uhm… I don't have another set of clothes to change into…" I stumbled over every word as I couldn't focus long enough to collect my thoughts

"If you wouldn't have run off yesterday I could have shown you." Levi replied and he lips turned up slightly as he noticed my stare

My face fell and I glared at him with annoyance, "Just tell me where I can get another set."

"No." Levi said coldly

"Excuse me? I'm not putting those back on after sleeping in the filthy room!" I exclaimed

"I have to shower." Levi turned and walked away leaving me standing with my mouth open in shock

" _Fine you want to play dirty? I'll play dirty little man."_

I went back and forced myself to put on the clothes I wore yesterday. The dirty feeling returned instantaneously, but I shoved the gagging down and went back to the division that separates the men's side from the woman's side. I popped my head in and heard the sound of water running. I tip toed my way in carefully and saw that Levi was the only person showering at the moment. I grabbed his clothes and silently ran out of the bathroom and around the corner to wait for him to come out. Ten minutes later the bathroom door slowly opened and Levi's head popped out; his hair still dripping water. Levi looked down the hall in both directions before stepping out and walking down the hall with surprising confidence. I watched until he turned a corner and then ran quickly to see where he was going. Levi stepped in to a room and I suspected that it was his own. Lucky bastard was close enough to the bathroom he knew no one would see him take a walk of shame back to his room. I approached the door and knocked. The door swung open and Levi stood in front of me with the towel hanging loosely off his hips. I forced myself to not direct my gaze back down to his chiseled body and look him directly in the eye.

"Bring me more clean clothes or I burn these." I threatened

"Fine." Levi replied quickly

"Wait really? You're going to give in that easily?" I asked shocked dropping my tough girl persona

"That's my favorite shirt." Levi pointed to the pile of clothes in my arms

"Well it's my shirt until I get clean clothes. Hell maybe I'll wear this. You're the same size as me." I shrugged

"How do you expect me to get you clothes if I don't have any to wear myself?" Levi asked

"I don't care. You were going to leave me naked, so now I'll leave you naked to figure it out." I spat "I don't know when we get paid or whatever, but when I get money I'm going back into town and buying clothes. I've seen people in civilian clothes everywhere. If I don't have to wear this uniform all the time then I'm going to take full advantage of it."

"Give me my clothes and I'll take you shopping right now." Levi offered

"Seriously?" I narrowed my eyes

"Do I look like I'm lying?" Levi said coldly

"I don't think you have many facial expressions so yes you kind of look like you're lying." I replied

Levi sighed exasperated, "I'm not lying, I promise."

"Fine I'll believe you." I pushed past him and walked into his room

I placed his clothing on the bed and sat down next to them.

Levi looked to me and to the clothes several time confused as to why I wasn't leaving.

"I've seen plenty of men naked," I tried to keep my voice steady as dark memories came back, "you watched me change yesterday. You have nothing I haven't seen."

Levi admitted defeat and grabbed his clothes and walked to the other side of the bed so my back was towards him. I didn't turn around; he earned that much privacy. A few moments later Levi came back to the other side of the room tying his ascot around his neck.

"Ready? Good let's go." I stood and walked towards the door

Levi and I left the castle on horseback and rode into the heart of town where all of the stalls and vendors were located. We dismounted and tied up the horses so we could begin my shopping spree on foot. We walked through different shops but nothing really caught my eye.

"I'm going to try a few of these on." I grabbed an arm full and walked to the back of the store.

Levi continued to mindlessly walk through the store looking at random articles of clothing. I picked out an outfit and left it on.

"Alright this is good." I walked back to where Levi was looking at different shirt.

I had picked out a long and form fitting dress like shirt with a V-neck and black tights with slipper like shoes. I held my uniform in my arms. Levi looked me over and blushed a little as he noticed how exposed my breasts were.

"Let's go then. I've already settled everything with the owner." Levi began towards the door

"Wait." I called after him

Levi turned around waiting for me to explain

"There is just one more place I want to stop." I pleaded

"No." Levi said coldly and walked out

I stared at the spot where he stood with burning anger, but eventually followed after him. When I walked out Levi was untying his horse and I began to put my uniform in one of the saddle bags. Levi mounted his horse and began down the street. Once I was finished I too got up on my horse, but quickly kicked my horse into a run in the opposite direction. Levi cursed and threw his horses head to the side forcing the horse to hastily turn around. I began to run through the crowded street forcing people to move out of my way in the last possible seconds. I took turns and different streets in hopes to loose Levi. After a while I stopped and listed for other hooves coming my direction but the sound never came. I figured the coast was clear and dismounted. I walked the horse back into the crowds of people and began to search for a specific building. I moved along and noticed the eyes that were following me. I was getting into the part of town where people were starting to recognize me. Vendor began to move their products away from the edges of their tables in fear of me stealing something. Small children waved to me and called me by name happy to see me again. A few men averted their gazes as they feared me. A few women waved and smiled sweetly. I was finally starting feel back at home and not so alone anymore. It was probably a good thing Levi said no to coming here he would have been hated and possibly attacked. I found the place I was looking for and tied up my horse. Walked under a sign that read pub and I pushed the familiar door open. A smell of yeast and barely hit me like a wave as I walked inside.

"Em! Oh Em my dear they have finally let you go!" a familiar gruffy voice called out to me

"Hawke!" I squealed as I ran up to the elderly man

"It's good to see you too dear." Hawke said warmly as he hugged me

"Shut up you sorry excuse for men!" Hawke hollered above the rumble of conversations

The room immediately got quiet as everyone obeyed Hawkes command.

"You all better be on you best behavior because look whose back!" Hawke yelled proudly, "Someone get her a round!"

A wave of beer stein filled the air as everyone in the pub greeted me warmly and there were cheers and hollering from the patrons.

"What'd you do escape! Knowing you they were probably begging to get you released!" A rosy cheeked fat man slurred

"It's good to see you Mansfield. I see you've hit the liquor a little early today." I chuckled

"Em my dear you know me better than that! I haven't stopped drinking since my 18th birthday!" Mansfield laughed and his enormous belly shook

"Go be a gentleman Gregory and get Em a drink! We're celebrating her release!" Hawke ordered and Mansfield stumbled his way towards the bar

"Come sit with your old man. I want to know about your first time in the dungeons." Hawke limped his way to an open table

"It is an interesting story." I sat down across from Hawke, "I have a lot to tell you and please be understanding."

"Don't worry I've done plenty of stupid stuff in my life there isn't much I could get mad at you about." Hawke patted my hand

"You say that now…" I mumbled, "Anyway…" I began to retell the story of my battle against the Titan and how I was forced into the Scout Regimen.

"You're WHAT!?" Hawke yelled and all the heads turned towards us

"Shhh! I didn't have a choice Hawke! It was either that or spend the rest of my life down there! This way I still get some freedom; I mean I was able to come here, and I get to kill titans now." I tried to reassure him

"What about this place, all of us, or duty to the people?" Hawke asked

"Well if I see someone who has it coming to them I swear I'm not going to hesitate. After everything I've been through, and after everything you all have taught me I can't not protect those who are unable to protect themselves. I will just a little more to add to it now. Instead of the few I will protect the many." I said matter-of-factly

"That mean you are also protecting all of the bad people that we have sworn to take down." Hawke said bitterly

"But I will still be looking for them too, as will all of you. I'm still the same girl you taught." I said a little hurt by his tone

"Fine, if you say that you didn't have any other choice then I will support you on this decision. What kind of adopted father would I be if I didn't support my daughter?" Hawke said sadly

"Believe me I thought very hard about this decision. It wasn't easy, but it makes it a little better knowing that you will support me." I said with a tear in my eye and patted Hawke's hand, "I owe you my life Hawke, trust me I won't do anything that could put you in danger or aggravate you."

Hawke looked up and smiled at me sweetly and love shone in his eyes. Hawke saved me many years ago and helped me become the woman I am today. It kills me to leave him behind, but if I didn't get back to the castle soon Erwin will have me hunted for desertion and hung.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go before they find me here and I get a lot of people in trouble." I said sadly and stood up

Hawke stood up with me and hugged me tight, "It's alright dear I understand. Come visit me soon you hear?"

"I promise. Goodbye." I sniffled

I walked out of the pub and began to untie my horse with tears slowly falling down my cheeks.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Levi's voice sounded loudly in my ears

"So you did find me. I did, I saw who I wanted to see and now I'm ready to go home." I said with a shaky voice and mounted my horse

"What your father a drunk?" Levi asked and it angered me

"You don't know shit about my life… Don't go assuming about it either." I kicked the horse into a walk and went past Levi

"Fine I'll go find out then." Levi jumped down from his horse and tied it to the post

"You step in there you'll get your scrawny little ass beat." I warned and turned back around

"I believe I can handle myself." Levi said confidently and opened the door

The door creaked shut behind him and even outside I heard the pub go dead silent.


	3. Chapter 3

A pub full of men who in Levi's eyes are criminals was not going to go well. I jumped down from my horse and tied him back up before warily walking up to the pub door and putting my ear against it. It was strange the sounds of men pulverizing Levi to a bloody pulp almost sounded like laughter. No it was laughter, was beat up Levi that entertaining that everyone was laughing about? I pushed to door open and saw Levi sitting at a table with drunken fat men having a pint like he was one of the guys.

"The hell is going on here?" I asked thoroughly confused

"Em, have a seat, grab a drink, we are just reminiscing about some old times with Levi here!" Mansfield slapped Levi hard on the back spilling beer everywhere

"Yeah… I'll get right on that… HAWKE!" I stormed away looking for my adopted father

I found Hawke at his rightful place behind the bar serving his loyal bar flies.

"Well I asked you to visit again but I didn't figure it would come so soon!" Hawke grinned from ear to ear

"Can I steal you for a moment? There is a possible situation." I mumbled as I walked behind the bar

"Can you talk while filling steins?" Hawke laid out a row of mugs waiting to be filled

"You act like I didn't grow up filling pitchers of beer for these bastards!" I laughed and began fill steins, "Anyways, table 5 over there might erupt into a fight at any moment when they realize that they are talking friendly with captain Levi of the Survey Corps."

"You don't say? I'll handle this. Man the bar will you?" Hawke place a collection of filled mugs a serving tray and walked to the table

I watched with a smug grin waiting for Levi to be escorted out of the pub, but when Hawke took a seat with the growing group of men my smug grin fell and I gapped at them with an open mouth.

"Hey Em can I get another shot?" a scruffy bar fly slide a shot glass down to me

"You can drink all you want if you man this for 10 minutes." I filled the glass and slid it back

"Deal!" The man practically jumped over the bar, but fell on his face when his drunken body remembered that it was drunk

"Serve then drink got it? If you just get shit faced and not serve then I'll kick your ass!" I walked back around and threatened

I approached the busy table with a stern look, "You and you," I pointed to Hawke and Levi, "Come with me now."

"Best listen to her boy; she's pretty scary when she's mad." Hawke patted Levi's back and they both followed behind me

There was a chorus of angered and sad drunk men when Levi left the table, but I just threw up the middle finger as I walked away and everyone shut up. We walked into the back stock room where I turned around, folded my arms across my chest, and tapped my toe like a disgruntled parent.

"Anyone care to explain what the hell is going on? Why the hell haven't half of the men in this place beaten the living shit out of him?" I asked coldly

"Em sweetie, I've known Levi since he was a little tyke!" Hawke said casually

"Wait you're a criminal?" I looked at Levi harshly

"Was." Levi shrugged

"So they really do know you? Do they know about you now?" I narrowed my eyes

"Yes and yes." Levi rolled his eyes

"Did you know about this place? Wait do you know about me and Hawke and half of the people in this bar? How much do you know that you're not telling me?" I threw my hands up exasperated

"No not exactly, I know this is a common place for fellow criminals, but I don't know about your past." Levi leaned against a shelf

"You! How do you know him?" I pointed at Hawke

"He's was in here a lot looking for jobs and throwing a few back. I get to know my customers." Hawke laughed

I threw myself down on to a crate of wine and buried my face in my hands, "I came storming back to save his little ass and see that he's all buddy buddy with everyone in here."

"How do you two know each other?" Levi asked interested

"I'm her adoptive father." Hawke answered proudly

"He saved my life when I was young, he raised me, and all of them out there taught me everything I know." I added finally looking back up to both of them

Levi arched an eyebrow and his eyes prodded for more information.

"Em, he's your captain. You're going to have to trust him." Hawke pushed

I sighed, "When I was young my mother died; she started forgetting things all the time like where she was or who I was, and eventually she left home and never came back. They found her several days later and she had frozen to death. My… father… he began to drink a lot. He got black out drunk most nights and would savagely beat me. Eventually the money ran out and instead of finding a job like a normal son of a bitch he sold my body. He would bring guys around and they would pay him to rape me. I was 10, I was 10 and I was being sold as a sex slave to men three times my age…" tears began to slowly roll down my cheek, "Hawke and his men they-ugh-they came one day and took care of my father and brought me under their wing. The scars on my back they're from him, and all of them. Most nights after they would use me I would try and runaway or… Kill myself… Eventually my father would have to chain me or tie me up so I would be compliant. I was young and I hadn't had my first bleeding yet so no one had to worry about bastard children around. That made me desirable…"

Hawke sat down next to me and patted my shoulder, "When I found her she was starved, broken, and she would let anyone touch her for a long time. She didn't talk and she barely let anyone get close to her. It took several months for her to talk and tell me her name. From there I was able to get a little closer every day. Now she's my most trusted worker."

"You and your men and you 'took' care of her father?" Levi asked

"This bar, most of those people, me and her, we are mercenaries. This place is like the head-quarters, but we work all over in every district. People hire us to kill people, or we are like villainies that kill those, like her father, who are monsters in society." Hawke explained

"We take care of those the MP's don't care about. Children who are starving because their fathers are drunken assholes or women who are being abused by their husbands. We are the protectors of the weak." I added

"What about the swords? Where to they come into play?" a sadness sparkled in Levi's eyes; was he sympathetic towards me?

"Show him." Hawke nudged me

I grabbed the swords from behind me and laid them down on the ground, "Grab them."

Levi looked confused but bent down and struggled to lift one of the swords.

"It's heavy, really heavy." Levi stammered

I chuckled and grabbed the remaining sword with ease.

"They called to her; it was a payment when we took care of a prestigious family's competition of sorts. They said they are by far older than the walls themselves. No one has been able to wield them until her. The blades never dull." Hawke laughed as Levi struggled to manage the swords weight

"I've cut through rock with them and the blades didn't dull nor did they chip." I put my weight on the hilt

Levi handed the sword back and I slid them both back in their hilts behind me.

"We should probably go, I left Drunk Phil behind the bar he's probably passed out and pissed himself." I stood, "Plus we need get going before Commander Eyebrows thinks I ran away."

I left the room and a few moments later Levi and Hawke followed behind. I gave Hawke another warm hug and Hawke shook Levi's hand firmly before leaving the pub. Levi and I both mounted our horses and took off down the street.

"Levi." I said softly

"Hmm?" Levi hummed with his walked up next me

"If you tell anyone I'll kill you in your sleep and leave your dead body dangling over the wall for the titans to eat. I don't need your sympathy or anyone else's." I said casually and looked over to him with a soft smile before kicking my horse into a trot

Neither of us spoke the rest of the ride to base, but it was a comfortable silence. We took the horses back to the paddock and began to walk back towards the castle. Levi stopped at a rose bush and plucked a white rose from it.

"Why when you picked roses did you look so happy?" Levi inspected the rose like it was going to answer his question

"My mom and I would pick wild flowers every spring after the snow melted from the mountains. That was back when my father wouldn't beat me and my mom had her memory." I hung my head

Levi walked up to me but never took his eyes away from the rose. He brushed back a stray strand of hair and tucked the rose behind my ear, and then turned on his heels and walked into the castle without saying a word. I pulled the rose down and pushed it up to my nose breathing in the sweet smell. Was this Levi being nice? I guess if it was then I could get used to it; maybe it would make living here and working with these people a little more bearable.

The rest of my day was nothing but getting a crash course in tactics and vanguards. By the time dinner finally came around my brain was fried and my stomach kept reminding of is constant need for food. I walked into the dining hall and was flagged down by Petra and the others who I sat with the night before, but now my roommate Hanji was with them too.

"How were your classes?" Petra asked sweetly

"Boring and exhausting." I replied threw bites of food

"Tomorrows combat so that should be exciting!" Hanji chimed in

"They are going to teach me combat? I'm pretty sure I'm all good in that category." I sneered

"She's right; I feel bad for whoever is put against her." Levi's voice said behind me

Leave moved from behind me to sit next Hanji. I my eyes followed Levi as he sat down. I wasn't sure how far Levi was going since he knows about my past employment.

"Well that'll make it even more exciting!" Another voice down the table added

"I saw we start betting!" Someone else chided

The talk of the table began to change into odds and bets about my upcoming combat training. I even caught myself laughing along with them. It was strange how easily I was connecting with all these people, and how accepting they were of me.

Petra leaned over to me, "See I told you will fit in with us!"

I smiled back at her and I felt the happiness radiating through my body.

"Come with me." Levi stood and looked down to me

I looked up to him confused but obeyed. I grabbed my tray and placed with the pile of others that were ready to go back and be washed. Levi led me out of the dining hall and through the corridors until we were back at his room.

"You can stay here tonight. I know how awful Hanji's room is and that you probably didn't get much sleep last night. I'll make sure to find you a more suitable place tomorrow." Levi gestured around the room

"You trust me with all your clean and tidy stuff?" I giggled "Where are you going to stay?"

"I don't sleep much, a couple hours at best; I have somethings to go over anyways." Levi sat down at the desk

"You're going sleep at your desk?" I questioned

"If I fall asleep I guess so." Levi shrugged

"Thanks for everything today." I said awkwardly

Levi body language got stiff; I think I embarrassed him, but I needed to thank him for being understanding of me and Hawke and all the other guys out there who believe they are making the world a better place.

"I'm pretty exhausted. Between not getting any sleep and the crash course this afternoon I can barely keep my eyes open." I laughed nervously

"Get some sleep; I'm just going to get some paper work finished." Levi turned in his chair

I nodded in understanding and began to undress. I felt eyes on my back as Levi tried discretely look at my scars again.

"You can get a closer look. There is not use in trying to be sneaky anymore." I said softly

I heard the chair drag on top of the floor boards as Levi stood and slowly walked towards me. I remained still with my back towards him, and I turned my head to look at him out of the corner of my eye. Levi approached me cautiously as if any sudden movements would cause me to break or flee like a frightened deer.

"They're all from him… them?" Levi asked softly

"Most are, some are from fights due to work hazards. You know being a criminal and all." I tried to lighten the mood

"What did they use to cause such deep cuts?" I felt a light touch on my shoulder as Levi traced the lines of a raised scar

"Chains, riding crops, belts, anything they, more like he, could get his hands on." My body tensed up under his touch, "I'm sorry it has become a natural reaction. I'm not afraid of you."

Levi ran his fingers gently down the length of my back and it sent a chill down my spine causing my skin to prickle under his touch.

"Monsters…" Levi whispered

I hadn't l realized that I was holding my breath until my lungs began to burn due to lack of oxygen.

"Relax." Levi murmured soothingly

Surprisingly my body listened to his command and every muscle released its tension and I exhaled deeply. Levi continued to trace over nearly every scar on my back and each touch was more relaxing than the last. I was nearly asleep where I stood when Levi grabbed my wrist and turned me around. He held my wrist up facing the ceiling and drug his thumb across the thin scars that ran across my wrist; one on top of another, on top of another.

I pulled my wrist free from his grip and hid it behind me, "I don't need you sympathy. I did want I thought would end the pain and suffering."

"I understand why you did it. I don't understand how someone would mutilate their daughter without a second thought." Levi said through clenched teeth

"He got what was coming to him. He's dead there is no need to get worked up about it." I tried to calm him

"Get some rest." Levi turned and walked back to the desk

I pulled my pajamas on and climbed into Levi's bed. I hadn't slept on a good mattress and a soft pillow in I don't know how long. I felt like I was lying in cloud and wrapped in the finest silks. I let out a sigh of pleasure as I pulled the blankets tighter around my body. I peered through my eyelashes just before I drifted off to sleep to see Levi smiling down at his papers.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up well rested the next morning as the light shone through the windows. I sat up and stretched my arms up causing my back to crack several times. I looked over to the desk but Levi was not there. There was a cup of tea sitting on top still steaming and a note under the saucer. I got up and grabbed the note from under the saucer plate. 

_Met at the sparring grounds after breakfast. Enjoy the tea._

 _Levi_

I grabbed the steaming mug and smelled in the aroma of honey, ginger, hints of fruit and a dash of cinnamon. I must admit to being fonder of a good shot of whiskey in the morning but the tea was a kind gesture. I took a cautious sip and was amazed but how refreshing and delightful the tea was. I continued to drink the tea as I got ready to go down to breakfast. I was finally learning my way around the castle and it didn't take me near as long to find my way to the dining hall this time.

"Well good news is that all odds are in your favor for your sparing match up today." Petra said as I sat down across from her

"Any clue who I'm up against?" I asked as I began to eat "I don't think it's fair to bet against someone if no one knows who my opponent will be"

"That's true but you're still the talk of the base so no one wants to bet against you in fear of retaliation." Petra laughed

"I like being the underdog though. It makes for a better story that way." I laughed along with her "Have you seen Levi this morning?"

"No but that's not surprising; he's a little grouchy in the morning." Petra replied

"Isn't he just grouchy all the time?" I pointed out

"I guess he is!" Petra giggled

"Well I think I'm going to get prepared for my fight this afternoon. I'll see you around." I waved to Petra as I walked away

I went outside to find the sparing grounds, but my knowledge of the outside was limited. I walked around the castle a few times before I finally asked for directions from some of the other soldiers. Once I finally knew where I was going I found the sparing grounds quickly, and just as promised Levi was waiting.

"Next time you ask me to meet you some where leave directions. I walked around clueless for about 30 minutes. Also thanks for the tea too, it was surprisingly wonderful." I said sternly as I approached

"Catch." Levi threw something in my direction

I caught it easily, "A wooden knife?"

"Hostile training." Levi stood in front of me "You're going to come at me and I'm going to try and disarm you."

"Weren't you the one who said I don't need this training?" I asked confused

"I want to see what skills you have. Can you blame me?" Levi said smugly

I smirked; if he wants to fight me then I'll bring it. I spun the knife up in the air and caught the handle again. I lunged at him and thrusted the knife outward. Levi blocked it easily redirecting my motion towards the side, but with my free hand I took a shot at Levi's ribs. I held back he power because I wasn't looking to hurt him seeing as though he is my superior. Levi lifted his leg and with a powerful kick pushed me off of him.

"A worthy opponent." Levi said amused

I smirked again and this time Levi attacked me first. I ducked the jab and moved gracefully behind Levi and held the fake knife to his throat.

"I win." I said smugly

"Do you?" Levi bent over and threw my weight over his shoulder

I was laying on my back in the dirt with Levi hoovering above me pinning my arm to the ground and reaching for the fake knife. I used my free arm to wrap around Levi's chest and threw my legs up and back to cross them behind Levi's head. I used my weight to push Levi down and flip him over me. As we rolled I sat up straddling his hips. I put the tip of the knife at Levi's chest with a broad smile. Levi grabbed my wrist and fought against my weight to pull the knife back up. Once he had it up enough he sat up to sit face to face with me.

"I see we are at a stale mate." I strained "Draw?"

"Never." Levi continued to fight my strength

"Fine but you asked for it." I warned and threw my head forward making contact with his nose

"Good." Levi smirked as blood dripped from the bridge of his nose

Before I could react a fist made contact with my jaw, throwing me back and off of him. Next thing we knew there were fists and kicks flying at each other at impressive speeds. He was putting my combat skills the test. Even the knife was being thrown in the air in attempts to switch it from hand to hand. It felt like we had been sparing for hours but really it might have only been 5 minutes. We broke apart for a moment and we both drenched in sweat and speckled in blood.

"I'm getting tired of this. If you want the knife so bad take it." I said angrily and threw it by the blade directly at Levi

The fake knife tumbled blade over handled through the hair like an acrobat. Levi snagged it out of the air by the handle as it was about to make contact blade first into his chest.

"Damn it; I took a gamble and lost… barely." I breathed heavily

"In most cases that would have worked, but I have perfect coordination. It was a worthy effort." Levi lowered the knife

"I can see that; I haven't had a challenge like that in a long time." I wiped blood from my lip

"Agreed. I'll sign off on your combative skill." Levi dusted himself off "I'll go speak with Commander Erwin now."

"Why didn't you just wait and let me beat the shit out of someone else? Why did you want to fight me?" I asked as I approached him

"Because having you battle an ordinary person would not show us your true skills. I wanted to challenge you." Levi said casually

"If you wouldn't have known about my history would you have let me battle some fresh meat out of the cadet corps?" I asked bitterly

Levi hesitated for a moment, "Yes…"

"I don't need you treating me any differently because of what I am. I don't want special treatment when it comes to things like this. I want to prove my worth just as everyone else has; through hard work and perseverance." I snapped "I might not like it here and I might not like you all, but I'll make my place here my own way. Whether that means I have to be the bitch that beats up half of the squad or just being known as the girl with the mysterious swords, I don't care. I just don't want to be looked at as the girl who got special treatment because she was a harden criminal that killed people for a living."

"I understand, but I would rather not lose the majority of my soldiers to your combat abilities. But from here on out you'll train just as the rest of us do… as a group." Levi was not phased by my anger

"Deal." I nodded

"Come on, let's get back to the castle. You have more classes this afternoon." Levi turned and walked away.

"What about my room?" I jogged to catch up

"I'll check to see if there are any rooms that are clean open." Levi returned to his disinterested voice

"I'll clean it if need be." I offered

"That won't be necessary." Levi said curtly

We made it back to the castle and went our separate ways. I went to the lecture halls and Levi went up to Commander Eyebrows office. Again the classes were uninteresting and mind numbingly boring, but I was saved when Hanji came bursting through the doors interrupting my teacher.

"Sorry! I need to borrow Emory for some more training." Hanji grinned enthusiastically

"Oh there is a god." I whispered under my breath and stood up quickly to follow Hanji

"Where are we going?" I asked once we were away from the classroom door

"ODM training! You're going to take an aptitude test." Hanji replied

"Finally something I haven't tried before!" I exclaimed

Hanji led me outside and towards large poles stuck into the ground with wires attached to the top. There was a group of other soldiers standing around the poles, and I recognized some of them as the few that I've sat with during meals.

"Great an audience." I mumbled sarcastically

As we approached a path formed and there were hushed whispers as many new faces talked excitedly about me. I smiled awkwardly as I greeted my hopeful fans. At the front of the group was Levi holding what looked like a harness with way to many straps for my body.

"Kinky." I laughed as I looked the straps over

Hanji let out a loud scream laugh and everyone standing around us laughed along with her.

"Are you done?" Levi huffed

I rolled my eyes, "Yes I guess that I am."

"Put this on; this is what will help you swing and move with the ODM gear while in the air. It is sensitive to your body weight distribution." Levi handed me the harness

I grabbed the confusing harness and began to struggle to step into it.

"I'm doing something wrong." I grumbled as the mess turned into tangles

"Here." Levi stepped in front of me and began fix the tangled mess I made

Levi began to reach around me and strap around my waist. My body went ridge as it reacted Levi being so close to places that bring back dark memories.

"Relax." Levi whispered so no one but me could hear him

Again, just like it had the night before, my body listened instantly and every muscle relaxed. How did he have that effect on me so easily?

"Alright those should be tight enough. Hook her up and slowly hoist her." Levi stepped back a few steps

Petra led me to stand in between the poles and clipped the wires to loops in my belt. Slowly my body was being hoisted up into the air several feet.

"So what do I do? Just hang here?" I asked as I watched the ground disappear under my feet

"You're a natural!" Petra exclaimed, "Try moving your weight around and get used to the harness."

I adjusted my weight and began to swing and flip through the air, "This is freaking amazing!"

"Bring her down." Levi commanded sternly

I was slowly lowered to the ground with a face splitting grin on my face, "When do I get to try the actual gear? That was a blast!"

Petra began to undo the wires at set me free to jump around with excitement. My on looks shared the same enthusiasm and showered me with congratulations and praises. I even got a few high fives which was an action I was not familiar with, but they made me even giddier.

"You're not finished. Now you have to try and use the real gear." Levi interrupted my happy moment

"Lead the way, _captain._ " I sneered

Levi walked towards a large grouping of trees and myself and the rest of the on lookers followed.

Hanji and Petra grabbed my shoulders and slowed me down, "You might want to pull your hair back just so it doesn't get tangled in the gear."

"Yeah, one year some girl nearly got scalped because her hair got caught in the grip hooks as the returned to her." Hanji said with a psychotic glimmer in her eye

"Okay…" I eyed Hanji warily and began to braid my hair over my shoulder

Once we caught back up to where Levi was Petra fit the gas canisters and regulator onto my harness.

"Here, I modified the trigger system to clip onto you swords handles so you can still use them and operate the gear at the same time." Hanji held out two of the trigger mechanisms

I pulled the swords out from behind me and allowed Hanji to clip the new mechanism onto the handles as I held them in my hands.

"Oh this is so exciting! I hope they work!" Hanji squealed

"Wait! What! You haven't tested them?" I looked back nervously

"Oh don't worry about it! You're going to do fine!" Hanji blushed nervously

Levi approached us and Hanji back away, "See that out there?" Levi pointed to a tall wooden cut out of a titan with a leather looking patch on the nape of its neck

"You have to navigate through the trees and strike it in the nape just like you would an ordinary titan." Levi said coldly "Make sure you get deep enough."

I nodded in understanding. When I first came up here was excited, but now that Hanji has admitted to not testing her new invention I was worried about even getting off the ground. I swallowed my fear and tested the triggers on both of my swords. Two grappling hooks shot out instantly and buried themselves into a tree in front of me. I squeezed tighter and gas plumed out behind me propelling me forward towards the tree. So far so good, Hanji's modifications were working. The clip-on triggers stayed in place on my swords and everything seemed to be working fine with the gear. Now to get a little more brave and swing my way from tree to tree as I moved towards my target. As I swung past the tree the hooks unlatched and returned, but just long enough for me to send them forward again to continue my forward momentum.

"WOOHOO" I hollered as I continued swing through the grove of trees and it echoed out into the open area

I approached the cut out dummy and charged forward towards it full tilt. I lowered my blades and felt them run smoothly through the cushioned leather slicing out deep chunk.

"She did it!" I heard Hanji exclaim

I made it back to the opening in which I had left from to a loud applause from my audience. I landed back on the ground and jogged back towards the group.

"So how was that?" I asked enthusiastically

"Acceptable." Levi replied

"Are you kidding? That was amazing! My modifications worked beautifully!" Hanji squealed and jumped around

"You really are a natural!" Petra chimed in equally excited

"What's next?" I asked begging for more training

"You're finished for the day." Levi muttered

"Come on Emory lets go get a drink in celebration!" Hanji draped an arm around my shoulder

Hanji led me in the direction of a small cottage looking house just on the outskirts of the castle grounds. Petra and a large portion of the crowed follow us inside. Inside was tables filled with other soldiers rosy cheeked from the effects of the alcohol.

"This is like the hang out spot for us when it's the weekend!" Hanji lead me towards the bar

"Bar keep! A round me and my friend here! We are celebrating!" Hanji hollered to an older gentlemen who was filling stein after stein

At the sound of Hanji's voice the man stopped what he was doing and immediately set our drink in front of us. Hanji placed the money on the bar and walked us back over towards a table where more familiar faces began to crowd around.

"Levi! I didn't expect you to come with us! Welcome! Welcome!" Hanji set the stein in front him Levi and went back to get another

"Came to celebrate with us or where you just craving a beer after a long day's work?" I japed

"Something like that I guess." Levi took a long drink of beer

"Well either way, cheers." I lifted my mug and took a hearty drink myself

"So come here often?" I arched an eyebrow

"No." Levi replied stoic

"You're no fun. Come on, it's the weekend. Everyone is happy and having a good time. Lighten up a little will ya?" I pleaded

"This is not my idea of fun." Levi remained as stoic as ever

"Then why the hell are you here?" I snapped

"To make sure you don't do anything stupid." Levi took another drink

"You're worried about me? Seriously? I don't believe you. Why are you _really_ here?" I leaned over the table

"I told you." He said coldly

"I grew up in a place like this with far scarier people. I can drink everyone under the table and still have enough wits about me to shoot straight. You're not here because I _might_ do something stupid. No, no, no, you're here because you actually want to be here with your cohorts. Secretly you like all of us, even if that passive face of yours won't show it." I smacked the table hard as I figured him out

"You're drunk." Was all Levi said

"HA! No I'm happy, and you're not denying it so that also means I'm right about you Levi Ackerman." I leaned in even closer, "I've grown on you. You won't admit it but you like me!"

Levi narrowed his eyes and took another drink, but didn't say anything. I sat back in my chair and smiled smugly as I soaked in my winnings.

"Since you think you've figured me out then get me another drink and we'll find out." Levi slid the mug my direction

"You're on." I winked and stood up

I came back to the table with a tray of shots, "Come on captain we are celebrating take a shot with us."

I set a shot in front of him and passed around the rest to my comrades.

"To our newest and extremely talented member of the Survey Corps, Emory… I mean Em!" Petra stood up on a stool and yelled over the crowd

Everyone lifted their glasses and then threw them back. Some gagged and a few ran to puke, but the brave and strong willed kept the shot down.

"What was that?" Hanji coughed

"An old family secret." I laughed as I threw my drink back and didn't flinch "Go on Levi, take the shot."

Levi sighed but threw back the shot and to my surprise didn't pucker or gag, and I smiled.

"I recognize that blend of liquor." Levi spoke softly

"You should, you were a criminal once too." I winked

"It brings back awful memories and rather fuzzy ones." Levi looked to the side as he looked back into his memories

I laughed loudly, "We only served those shots when someone got married or joined the team. You know happy things worth celebrating. It's an awful blend of the cheapest booze on the bottom shelf."

"It never lead to good things though as I remember it." Levi said in a disgusted tone

"No it doesn't! Come on you look like you need some air after that." I stood up and grabbed his arm to help him down, "Are you drunk already? You sure can't walk a straight line."

I led the possibly drunk Levi outside where the sun was setting and there was a chill in the air.

"Better? The cold air should help." I leaned him against the wall

"Much, thank you." Levi sighed and rubbed his forehead

"Get a little bit of liquor in you and you suddenly turn into a gentleman?" I laughed

Levi slid down the wall and sat in the grass. I sat next to him because I felt awkward standing above him like he was a child. We sat in silence as Levi continued to rub his head, and I watched the sky slowly grow darker.

"Those scars, what happened to you, has that stopped you from being with other men?" Levi asked but never looked up

I looked over to him as a pit formed in my stomach. I had never spoken to anyone about the after effects of my abuse.

"Yes. I haven't been with anyone since what happened. I can't bring myself to trust anyone that much to develop a relationship. You saw how my body reacts when I'm touched. I can't control it." I whispered and fought the growing pit

"Why are you able to relax when I touch you?" Levi looked over to me out of the corner of his eye

"Because you tell me too, and my body does it. I don't know why or how, but it listens." I breathed

Levi reached up and pulled the elastic from my braid and the strands unfolded themselves causing a cascade of hair to fall over my shoulder. He grabbed a few pieces and ran his fingers through the end and then tucked them behind my ear.

"There that's better." Levi smiled softly

I blink at him unsure of what to say. Why was he acting like this towards me? Was it because of the alcohol? I couldn't be he acted like this yesterday at the rose bushes. Why didn't my body react like it normally does when people touch me? What was he doing to me? I had a strange feeling forming in my chest every time I go close to him.

"That tea this morning, did you make it?" I asked trying to stop the thoughts in my head

"Yes. At one point in my life I wanted to open a tea shop." Levi answered warmly

"Really?" I giggled, "I didn't take you as a customer service kind of person."

The soft smile fell and the stoic look returned.

"I'm sorry! I do that as a reflex to push people away! Really that is admirable, that tea really was amazing this morning." I hastened to say

"It was just a dream. It will never come true." Levi said bitterly

"It still can. The war with the titans can't go on forever." I tried to make up for my rudeness

"I'll be long dead by the time this war ends." He replied quickly

"I'm sorry…" I murmured

Levi looked back over to me confused.

"I ruined the moment. I didn't mean to insult you, but I said it before I could stop myself." I said with sadness

"Relax." Levi whispered and I soon felt arm across my shoulders pulling me towards him

My body didn't tense up or want to pull away. Instead it embraced the touch and welcomed it warmly. He was warm against my skin. He smelled of lavender, grass, sweat, and whiskey. I closed my eyes and for the first time I didn't see my father and the blurred faces of dozens of men staring back at me. Instead I saw a meadow with millions of wild flowers growing in the sun light.

"See it's not so bad is it?" Levi breathed close to my ear

"No, it's nice." I murmured, "Why are you doing this? Why me?"

"Because we are the same in many ways. There is just something about you." Levi cupped my chin and pulled my face up to look at him

"Criminals with a bad up bringing?" I smiled oddly comfortable by the closeness of your faces

"Yeah, something like that." He smiled, "Relax okay?"

"Okay.." I answered warily

Levi leaned in slowly and tenderly placed his lips on top of mine. At first I wanted to pull back, but when I felt the jolts of electricity running through my body I leaned in and embraced him against me. As I leaned into him the kiss deepened and our lips molded together and his breath fanned against my skin softly. Our lips parted for a moment and I felt the tip of his tongue brush against my bottom lip causing a twinge of arousal in my stomach. I didn't fell violated or vulnerable; instead I felt desire and a hunger for more. Was this what it's like to actually be attracted to someone, and to desire them in a more physical way?

"Are you okay?" Levi asked as he pulled away and looked deep into my eyes

I wasn't sure what kind of emotion my face showed because I wasn't even sure how I was feeling, but Levi looked at me like he might have hurt me.

"Yes actually." I answered softly and hopefully convincing

"You look… scared." Levi winced

"I just a have a lot of emotions running through me, emotions I haven't felt before. Not bad emotions! Just new emotions." I stammered

"Good?" Levi cocked his head to the side slightly

"I think so." I mumbled

"Do you trust me?" Levi caressed my cheek

"Surprisingly yes." I said warmly

He left his hand on my cheek and leaned in towards me again, but this time I met him part way. Our lips meshed together again with more heat and I laid my hand gently on the side of his face. Levi moved from my lips to my jaw and down to my neck. I ran my fingers tenderly through his hair as he moved across my neck. I heard my breath hitching as waves of pleasure moved through me. Levi pressed against me and it almost pushed me on my back. As the sensation of falling took over my system the flood gates opened again, and before I knew what I was doing I was fighting back pushing forcefully against Levi. In the blink of an eye I was pinning Levi down with my fist raised ready to strike. When the rage settled and I realized that the person in my strike path was not the blurred face of a rapist I broke down in fear and embarrassment. I lowered my fist, my breathing was ragged, and my face relaxed. I was horrified by my actions, about what I was about to do. I stumbled to get up and took off running towards the castle without saying a single word. I nearly beat Levi for no reason. He wasn't going to hurt me and I knew that, but there is still a dominate part of me that doesn't want to be controlled; to feel helpless again. Who knows how far I would have gone before I realized who my victim was. I got lucky that I realize it before I did anything, but what if there is a next time? Would I be so quick to realize my mistake? I can't let there be a next time. It's too dangerous; not just for me but mostly for him. I don't have my emotions, my past, in check. I don't know if there was a way to fix what is broken. I could be permanently damaged because of my son of a bitch father. I could possibly never have a relationship or a family.

My mind raced with unanswerable questions as I made it up to the castle, but I didn't have anywhere to go. I don't know if Erwin approved a room for me. I can't go to Levi's not after what just happened. Hanji's is… well Hanji's room. I don't know where anything else is in the castle. The horse paddock maybe? I could snuggle up against my gelding for the night, but then I would wake up smelling of manure and straw. He was a sweetheart of a horse though, loves affection, maybe it wouldn't be terrible. I stood on the steps lost in my own thoughts when footsteps came up behind me.

"There you are! You disappeared on us!" Petra slurred behind me

I turned around frightened, "Petra! Oh it's just you. Sorry you scared me; I was just lost in thought. You wouldn't know if I got approved for my own room yet do you?"

"Actually Erwin said that the room wasn't ready yet and that you'd have to room with Levi again, but if you want you can stay with me! It'll be like a sleep over! I promise it's a ton cleaner than Hanji's!" Petra squealed excitedly and grabbed my arm

Petra drug me through the castle and talked a mile a minute about sleep overs and gossip. Once we made it to her room she was blabbering about doing each other's hair. We got inside and Petra slumped into her bed and was asleep the instant her head hit her pillow.

"You're not going to remember any of this in the morning. I don't think you'll want to find me in your room." I whispered

I looked over and saw a set of ODM gear and gas canisters sitting in the corner, and it gave me an idea. I grabbed a spare pillow and blanket from Petra's closet and ran back outside. I ran up to a large tree and with the gear flew up to a high thick branch. I had slept in trees many times while out on missions with Hawke and the others. I arranged myself on the branch so I wouldn't fall over in my sleep. I used the ODM gear for an anchor and laid down hopefully for a good night's rest, but I knew that would be easier said than done after tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

The break of dawn shone brightly through my eyelids. I opened my eyes to see the grass and the trees around me were covered in a layer of fresh dew. I thankfully the blanket on top me was still dry. I was protected by the cover of thick leaves, and was able to stay dry. I sat up to see that castle was still. It seems like no one was awake yet, and possibly sleeping off their drunken night. I gathered what little I brought with me up into the tree and floated back down gracefully to the grass with the ODM gear. I don't know how I have managed to preform my mercenary jobs without this faithful gear. My feet left a path through the dew as I ran back towards the castle. I came up to the doors only to find that they were locked.

"What the hell?" I cursed as I tugged harder hoping that they were just stuck

They were most definitely not stuck, and I was now locked out of the castle. I ran around the castle trying every door I found, and they all were locked too.

"Fuck me, seriously who the hell locked up a castle full of soldiers?" I cursed loudly as I pulled on the last door

If I wasn't going to be able to get in through the doors maybe I could use the ODM gear to get me up through a window. I looked up the side of the castle and began to scan the windows for one that might be opened or at least cracked enough that I could pull it open more. Out of the entire probable hundreds of windows on the castle only one was opened that I could see. It was on the same floor that Levi was on, that is if I was doing my math right anyways. It was a risk I need to take to make it back inside and get food. I didn't want to camp out next to the doors have look like I got drunk and passed out outside because I couldn't handle my alcohol. I just got here and I was starting to make a name for myself, I didn't want to ruin it because of a stupid misunderstanding. I mentally prepared myself and shot the grappling hooks up towards the window. I glided up as quickly and as quietly as I could manage and gently pushed the window open just enough for me to squeeze through. I stepped into the room carefully placing my feet on the desk in front of the window. With cat like skills, I crawled over the desk and the chair without making a single sound. I put my feet on the ground and the floor board creaked eerily as I put my weight down.

"Good morning." A low voice said frightening me

I hadn't paid attention to what was around the room only what was directly in front of me. Now that my attention had been changed from my keyhole sight lines to a broader view I instantly knew I was in Levi's room.

"You! You set this all up didn't you? You locked the doors and purposefully left this one window opened! How'd you know I had ODM gear?" I shrieked

"Yes I did, but I didn't know you had ODM gear. You seem resourceful; I knew you'd figure out something." Levi said casually sitting in a chair in the corner

"Why the hell did you lock me out? Wait, how did you know I wasn't in the castle?" I yelled whispered

"I checked everywhere I knew you might be. I even checked Hanji's room, but when she was passed out on your bed I figured that you weren't anywhere inside. I checked your horse's stall and nothing. I admit that you had me panicked for a moment, and I figured that if you didn't return by the morning that you had run off. I gave you till sunrise before I would tell Erwin. I guess I don't have to worry about that now." Levi took a sip of tea

I just stared at him surprised by his nonchalant attitude about the entire situation. He spoke nothing about last night and what happened. I didn't know what to say. Should I apologize or do what he is and pretending that it never happened? I guess he is being a little passive aggressive by locking me out and leaving only one specific way to get back in.

"Tea?" Levi stood and cleared the distance between us gracefully

I tensed up and recoiled slightly as he approached closer. When he was mere inches away from me when he sharply turned to stand in front of a table where a tray of tea was set up. He poured a cup, added a little sugar, and sprinkled something on top before handing it to me.

"Erm… Thanks." I stammered as I cautiously took the cup

"So where were you? Did you get any sleep?" Levi pressed as he stood in front of me

"Outside… and very little." I sneered

"No need for sarcasm. I'm not the one who made you sleep outside." Levi replied bitterly

"Where was I supposed to go then?" I asked

"Back here." Levi gestured around the room

"I didn't think you wanted to see me after…" I mumbled; I didn't want to think of what almost happened

"Why? I took it too far; I had more to drink than I usually do. You told me that you hadn't had any experience after your abuse, and I still pushed. You reacted the way you've been conditioned to. I have no reason to be mad at you. If anything you should be mad at me…. That's why I though you left. I figured you were mad at me. I really didn't want to explain to Erwin what happened. Though he might be impressed by the fact that I actually showed emotion towards someone especially a woman in a romantic way." Levi explained

"Mad at you? I almost beat the holy hell out of you and you think I should be mad at you? Everything went black for a second. I had no idea what happened until I saw you on the ground pinned down by me." I stammered thoroughly confused by his logic

Levi took a few cautious step closer towards me, "Are you okay? What happened yesterday was probably more than you can handle."

"I'm just a little tired…" I tried to sound reassuring, but the floor was starting to sway under me

"You look a little pale." Levi narrowed his eyes

"I'm… ugh not feeling so hot… I-I need…" I slurred and then took off out of the room

I ran as quickly as my queasy body would carry me down the hall and into the bathrooms. I burst through the doors and into heaved over into the toilet. There was nothing in my stomach but what little I drank and the mostly digested food from last night. I coughed and spat up everything in my stomach, and by the time I felt good enough to stand I could feel the tickle in my throat and my nose was running like a faucet. Just as I was shuffling my weak and shaky body towards the doors Levi pushed them open and peered inside. Once he saw me clearly sick struggling to stay up right he was at my side immediately.

"I think I have a cold." I said nasally and sniffled

"Of course you do after sleeping outside in the cold." Levi said soothingly

He grabbed my arm and slowly escorted me back into his room.

"You need to rest and stay under the covers for a while." Levi helped me sit on the side of the bed

"Take off those clothes. I'll take them down to get washed." Levi held out his hand waiting for me to begin handing him my clothes

"Too tired, my body is sore, I ache all over, and I don't have the energy…" I slurred out my brain fogging over with the sickness

"You're not crawling into my bed in those." Levi said sternly, "Relax as best you can and don't punch me, okay?"

I nodded, but I really didn't hear a word he said. Levi bent down and slid my uniform coat off my shoulders and put it next to me on the bed. He then grabbed my hands a pulled me up so I was standing in front of him. I groaned as my every ache in body protested. My head slumped forward unable to support itself and I closed my eyes slowly succumbing to my body's desire to sleep away the cold.

Levi put both hands on either side of my face and lifted my head back up, "Hey stay awake just a little longer."

I opened my eyes just enough to look at Levi through my eyelashes. My eyes fluttering under the weight of exhaustion gave a dreamy aura around Levi, and I smiled softly as I looked into his deep blue eyes.

"You have pretty eyes." I mumbled

"You must have a fever." Levi laughed through his nose

"Hmm…" I hummed and continued to stare

Levi began undoing the straps on my harness one by one reaching delicately around me as he undone the last one. I was oddly comforted by his movements and methodical ways he removed my harness. He reached down and grabbed the bottom of my shirt and slowly pulled it up. I wasn't sure if it was because I was sick and had a fever that put me in a drunk like state, or because whenever Levi tells me to relax I do, but my body did absolutely nothing in response to Levi undressing me. I lifted my arms as he continued to pull the shirt over my head. Levi put it on top of my jacket and walked to get another shirt out of his closet.

"Here put this on." Levi unfolded the shirt and began to slid it over my head

I put it on willingly and sat back down on the bed to take off my boots. Just the act of sliding off my boots was exhausting, and I was sweating after I threw down the last boot.

Levi placed the back of his hand on my forehead, "You really do have a fever. I'll go get a wet rag. Take off your pants and get under the covers."

Levi left and I painfully removed my pants and got under the covers. I laid back and closed my eyes allowing the exhaustion to take over.

I woke what felt like minutes later to a darkened room, and a damp rag on my forehead. I groaned as I tried to slowly sit up.

"Don't try and get up! What do you need?" I small childlike voice asked

"Water." I asked my voice hoarse

"On the table, Petra." Levi's voice said calmly next to me

"What time is it?" I asked my throat burning

"Almost dinner time, a little past 7." Levi answered he was sitting in a chair at the far side of the bed

Petra came back with a glass of water and handed it to me. I greedily grabbed and began to chug it was quickly as I could. It was cold, but it wasn't enough to sooth the scratchy and burning feeling in my throat.

"Woah slow down! I don't need you puking." Petra hastily grabbed the glass from me

"My throat!" I waved my hand at my neck trying to signal how painful it was

"Here drink this." Levi stood and walked over to me with a tea cup, "It has honey and lemon it should sooth your throat."

"But sip it!" Petra added quickly

I grabbed the cup delicately trying not to spill the hot liquid on myself or Levi. I took a generous sip and immediately the heat calmed the scratch in my throat. I sighed as the pain began to dull to an annoying pain.

"Thank you." I sighed my voice much clearer now

"I think she is okay now Petra, thank you." Levi said courteously

Petra smiled before standing up and walking out of the room closing the door behind her.

"How do you feel?" Levi asked and sat on the edge of the bed

"Like I've been ran over by a herd of horses." I moaned

"You might have pneumonia, or a really bad cold." Said Levi

"I guess that's what I get for sleeping in a tree in autumn." I tried to laugh but it caused a coughing fit instead

"Take it easy." Levi gently pushed me back down, "I guess I shouldn't have locked you out of the castle either."

"Is there any way I can eat? I'm kind of starving." I laid my head back exhausted from the coughing

"Petra says you can have broth soups and possibly toast if you don't throw it back up." Levi adjusted the pillows around me

"Ugh! Tasteless and bland!" I groaned

"Same words… I'll see if I can have someone a tray." Levi said monotone

"Oh bite me! I'm sick I can't think of good comebacks and be my smart ass self at the moment!" I said snarky

"I should enjoy this while I can." Levi chuckled and stood up

He opened the door and leaned out half way, "You're food will be delivered."

"The Scout's just have people standing around that take orders to get a sick person their uninteresting meal?" I said disgusted

"You're admirers are worried about you." Levi sat back down on the bed, "No it was just Hanji. She likes to be of help whenever she is concerned about a team member."

"Concerned about me?" I raised any eyebrow

"Yes people around here get all concerned about all kinds of things. It's like they are happy and nice and grew up in a normal home." Levi grumbled

"That's right not everyone is criminals and products of abused childhoods." I smirked

"I never knew there was such a life." Levi returned with his own smirk

"Crazy right?" I grinned

"Crazy." Levi smiled softly

We sat in silence for a while until there was a knock on the door and Hanji poked her head in.

"Hey! You're awake!" Hanji beamed

"Well I'm ready to go back to sleep, but food first." I smiled softly "What'd ya bring?"

"Umm… vegetable broth with some carrots, parsnips, potatoes, and anything else that gets mushy. Also a few pieces of toast with some butter." Hanji shoved the tray forward spilling some soup

"Way to go four eyes! You're going to mop the entire room." Levi growled

"Here's your food," Hanji set down the tray on the bedside table, "I have-umm-some tests to run on…" Hanji backed away and then ran out of the room

I smiled and chuckled softly so I didn't cause another coughing fit. I groaned in pain as I tried to sit up and instantly Levi was next to me propping up pillows

"I was going to get out of bed to eat. I don't want to have to hand-wash your sheets if I spill a tiny drop." I tried to sound light hearted

"No you have to stay in bed. I think I can excuse you since you're sick." Levi gently pushed me back onto the pillows

"So apparently you are still a gentleman without alcohol." I grabbed the bowl of soup

Levi didn't say anything but suppressed a smile.

"Where are you going to sleep? If I'm as sick as your saying I don't think I'll be going anywhere soon." I spooned in some soup and was surprised how flavorful it was

"In the chair, on the floor, or at the desk; wherever I fall asleep first" Levi shrugged and laid down a napkin on my lap

"Not worried about your sheets?" I asked sarcastically

"I like everything thing clean." Levi said a little bitterly

"I noticed." I continued to eat the soup by the spoon full

Levi rolled his eyes and shook his head, "You need to slow down or you'll puke up everything."

"But it tastes so good, though that might be because I haven't ate since this time yesterday." I said through a mouth full of toast

"I'm not cleaning up puke. I draw the line at other people's bodily fluid. It's the smell; you can never get it out." Levi said cautiously

"Fine, fine, I'll slow it down." I caved

I finished my food and surprisingly felt a lot better. Levi ended up cleaning the spot where Hanji spilled soup, and I'm pretty sure that by the time he was done I could see his reflection. I ended up falling back asleep and the last time I looked over Levi was working on something at his desk. I woke up about two hours later with the over whelming urge to puke. Without concern for my body aches I jumped out of the bed and sprinted down the hall into the bathroom again. Déjà vu all over again. Levi must have either seen me or I woke him up because he was in the bathroom only a matter of seconds after I was. He, thankfully, skipped the lecture and didn't say 'I told you so'. I shuffled my way back down the hall and into bed where I felt almost as bad as I had this morning.

"I think you're fever is back. I'll get you another dampened rag." Levi pressed the back of his hand to my forehead again.

"Okay." I shook my head

Levi left for a few minutes but I didn't want to close my eyes in fear of being woken up by an urge to puke. Levi wasn't gone long which was great because I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

"You should go back to sleep, I'll talk to Petra about getting something for nausea." Levi gently pressed the rag to my forehead

"No, stay please." I whimpered

"Okay, I'll just be over at my desk." Levi began to stand but I feebly grabbed his wrist

"No. Stay." I repeated

Levi looked to me surprised and confused, but ultimately he looked happy to be needed.

"Lay down." I commanded

Levi walked around to the other side of the bed and laid on top of the covers with his hands behind his head.

"Get comfortable; you need to sleep just as much as I do and in a bed. Seeing as though I'll be here for a long time might as well learn to share." I rolled over and faced him

Levi looked down to me out of the corner of his eyes and it looked like he was having and internal struggle with himself. I wasn't sure if he won or lost, but he got up and began to undress. I don't know if it was still because I was fever drunk or if it was the strange part of me that gets all twitter-paited but even his back was shredded. Lines, definition, a blind person could read off of the ridges; it was every girl's wildest dreams, or I was actually dreaming. No I was most definitely not dreaming; this was real because my throat was killing me and I felt like a titan was sitting on my chest. I watched, no I stared, as Levi got undressed and put on a loose fitting pants and a t-shirt. I tried to play it off that I was looking at something on the wall, which I was pretty sure was not convincing because Levi's lips turned up slightly. I blushed embarrassed and tried not to make eye contact as he crawled onto the bed.

I smiled weakly, I was becoming more and more exhausted, "Goodnight."

"You're okay with this? You're not uncomfortable?" Levi asked concerned

"If I wasn't then I wouldn't have asked you to sleep on the bed too." I gave him a look, "I used to have a lot of nightmares, but Hawke would sleep by my bed and wake me up when I cried out. When I realized that he wasn't like my birth father I would find him after the nightmares and sleep next to him. He made me feel safe. You make me feel safe."

"If you are comfortable." Levi closed his eyes

"Mmmhmm…" I hummed and closed my eyes


	6. Chapter 6

I didn't wake again during the night, but when I opened my eyes the next morning my chest felt like the weight of the walls were sitting on me. I looked over to see Levi still sleeping peacefully beside me. His lips parted slightly as he breathed. I was surprised that he was still asleep; it had to been at least 6 hours since I threw up last. I realized that my body was stiff and aching from lying in bed for over 24 hours. I needed to get up and loosen all of my joints. I winced as I sat up and the heaviness in my chest pushed against me. I gently swung my legs over the side of the bed and tried to put weight on my feet. My legs trembled under the weight, but supported me enough to stand up. I slowly stood up straight and heard several joints rejoice by popping. I slowly shuffled my way to the door still struggling against the aches and pains in my muscles and chest. I reached the door and was breathing heavily and dripping sweat. It was almost too much just to walk across the room. I pulled the door open and stepped out in the hall where I was met with a cool breeze and the smell of breakfast wafting through the hall. My stomach growled angrily and my mouth water at the thought of breakfast. I shuffled along following the scent of butter, cinnamon, garlic, and yeast. I made it to the top of the stairs and groaned. I don't think I have enough strength to lift my legs to walk down the stairs. I stared at the obstacle and then I had an idea. I sat down on my butt and began to scoot down each stair one by one. It took a little while but I managed to save energy and make it down the steps. I used the railing to help me stand back up and I shuffled my feet as quickly as I could to the dining hall. I struggled to open the heavy door enough to squeeze through, but once I opened it enough I was nearly knocked on my back with the aroma of food. My stomach continued to painfully rumble in hunger and I slid into the room. I made it to the food and I got several curious looks from others in the hall. I grabbed a plate and some food and went back towards the door.

"Emory! Wait!" I heard Petra's voice calling after me

I continued to shuffle away as quickly as possible, but my slow speed was no match for Petra's jogging speed.

"What are you doing out of bed? Where are your pants?" Petra caught up to me and walked with me

"Pants?" I looked down confused, "OH SHIT! I didn't realize that I wasn't wearing pants!" I shrieked embarrassed

Luckily the shirt Levi gave me was long enough to reach my knees, but still I was blushing with embarrassment.

"Come on I'll help you back upstairs." Petra gently put an arm around my shoulders and helped me walk a little quicker

We had barely made it out of the dining hall when we came face to face with a very disgruntled Levi.

"What the hell are you doing out of bed?" Levi asked coldly

"I'm hungry and I needed to move. I was getting stiff lying in bed." I protested

"You are incredibly stubborn. Why didn't you wake me? I would have at least helped." Levi sighed

"You were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to disturb. Besides when is the last time you go a decent night's sleep anyways?" I questioned

"She right; you don't sleep very much anymore." Petra defended me

Levi ignored the both of us and grabbed the plate of food and handed it to Petra before wrapping an arm around my waist, and lifting my arm around his shoulders. He practically carried me up the stairs and down the hall way back to his room.

"You're stronger than you look." I said amazed

Petra followed close behind us and set the plate of food at the desk when we made it back inside the room.

"Petra, do you have anything for nausea? She needs to keep food down or she won't get any better." Levi asked sternly

"Let me see what I can mix up! I'll be right back." Petra jogged out of the room

I sat down at the desk and began to take small bites of food.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked

"Fine." Levi replied curtly

"Don't be mad at me. You'd be going stir crazy too if you had to spend every hour in bed." I snapped

"I would know that staying in bed was going to help me recover." Levi said

I looked over to him and glared, "I don't like being cooped up for days on end."

"Do you want to get better or just be a pain in my ass?" Levi raised an eyebrow

"Pain in the ass sounds more fun." I said sarcastically

Levi rolled his eyes and groaned.

"You really aren't a morning person are you? Damn pissy this morning are we?" I said bitterly

"Well when you wake up and the critically sick person is no longer next to you, you don't exactly wake up in a cheery mood." Levi returned my bitter tone

"It's your fault I'm ' _critically sick'!"_ I yelled "Locking me out of the castle… kissing me…"

Levi's face remained stoic and glared at me with burning anger in his eyes.

I slowly stood up on my shaky legs, "Now if your highness doesn't protest, I'm going to shower."

"I do protest." Levi stopped me

"What? Seriously why the hell can't I take a damned shower?" I fumed

"The steam might aggravate your cough. Wait until Petra gets back so she can monitor you." Levi commanded

"I'm not waiting on Petra to come back! I'm going to take a shower and if you're so worried about it you can sit outside the door and monitor." I trudged towards the door

"Clothes…" Levi reminded me

I stopped and turned around to get my clothes and continued to slowly storm out of the room. I opened the door and slowly walked down the hall way and I heard soft footsteps behind me. I barely turned enough to see Levi following a few paces behind me. I continued into the bathroom and after moments of the main door closing behind me it opened again and Levi stepped inside.

"Alright you wait here if you are going to _monitor_ me." I pointed to a spot next to the door

I pushed open the other door that lead to the women's side and turned on a shower so that it was scolding hot and steaming. I grabbed the hem of the shirt and pulled it over my head slowly wincing at the pain in my chest and shoulders. I tried to reach back and unclasp my bra, but the pain in my chest was unbearable.

"Shit…" I muttered to myself

My only logical option was to call Levi in and help me, but I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with the idea. It was either that or shower in my underwear, and well that is just stupid. I was going to have to get comfortable with the idea. I took a couple of deep breaths of the steam and it relaxed the tightness in my chest a little. I tried to reach back again, but it was still too much pain. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me and pushed open the door enough to poke my head out. Levi was leaning with his back against the wall and one foot behind him also on the wall.

"Ah-hem…" I cleared my throat

Levi looked over smugly, "Problem?"

I narrowed my eyes already regretting asking for help, "I need you to… assist me…"

I don't think that was what Levi was thinking I was coming back out for. He looked at me confused for a moment before pushing off of the wall and standing in front of me.

I let out a deep breath, "It too painful to reach back and unhook my bra…"

Levi arched an eyebrow and smirked slightly before nodding. I opened the door and turned around. Levi gently brushed my hair over to one shoulder and pulled down the fabric of the towel to expose the bra clasps. Levi fumbled a little trying to unhook the claps.

I turned my head and looked at him through the corner of my eye, "Have you ever undone a girl's bra before? It's not ODM science."

"I've almost got it…" Levi mumbled frustrated

"I am almost starting to think you've never been with a girl… Oh my god, are you a virgin?" I laughed

Levi stopped for a moment and the grabbed my shoulders turning me around again to face him.

"Sorry, it's cool if you are, just I wouldn't think that someone like you would be." I stammered

"Someone like me?" Levi asked angrily

"Successful, handsome, you know you got the uniform going for you, girls can't resist a man in uniform, and not to mention you're freaking ripped." I stopped suddenly; everything came out of my mouth like vomit.

Levi's face relaxed a little and then turned me back around.

"No I have been with women before, but that doesn't mean I know how to operate these things." Levi said softly "There I got it finally."

"Thanks." I mumbled and walked back into the shower room, the door closing behind me leaving Levi on the other side with a soft smile.

I took a long shower allowing the steam to sooth the tightness in my chest, and the hot water worked wonders on my aching muscles and joints. Once I was finished I dried of and wasn't wincing in pain with every move. I put on my second pair of pajama's and wrapped my hair up in the towel on top of my head before walking back out where Levi was still waiting.

"I feel a hundred times better now." I sighed

"You look better; you have your color back." Levi said kindly

We walked back to his room and I pulled my hair down and began to brush it out.

"Have I got approved for a room yet?" I asked as I methodically brushed out separate sections of hair

"Yes, but with you being sick I want to keep you monitored." Levi watched me intently

"I'm not going to die in my sleep; it's just a little touch of pneumonia. I'll be better by tomorrow." I tried to reassure him, "Don't you have captain-ly duties to attend to anyways?"

"I am; I'm making sure that my team member doesn't puke all over the place." Levi said by watched my brush move through my hair

"There are others beside me that need your captain-ly wisdom." I rolled my eyes

"Hanji is doing her studies, Petra is making you some medicine, the others are going about their daily routines. I know what they are all up to." Levi cocked his head to the side curiously watching me

"What is your fascination with my brush?" I asked annoyed

"It's not the brush, it's your hair." Levi answered in a small voice

"My hair?" I asked

"It's so long, and you keep it down all the time. Everyone else here has their hair cut short and pulled up." Levi finally looked me in the eyes

"Okay…" I said warily slightly creeped out

"It's beautiful…" Levi mumbled

His comment took me aback for a moment. No one has ever complimented me like that other than Hawke.

I hid my blushing face behind a curtain of hair, "Thanks…"

I heard Levi walking towards me and then I felt his fingers softly running through my damp hair. I lifted my head and saw Levi rubbing the ends of my hair in between his thumb and finger.

"It's like silk." He whispered

He continued to run his fingers through my hair for a few more seconds before tucking a strand behind my ear. I tucked the other side behind my ear and grabbed the towel from the foot of the bed.

"It takes forever to dry though, especially that I am stuck inside." I walked over to place it with the other used towels.

"I never said you were stuck inside." Levi said confused

"A little while ago I wasn't allowed to leave to get food; I took that as I'm definitely not allowed outside." I shook my head

"You can go outside, but you need to wear a cloak to keep you warm" Levi grabbed a long dark green cloak from his closet

I grabbed it and swung it around my shoulders and clasped it in front of me. I moved my hair over to one shoulder and pulled the hood over my head. The inside was lined with fur and held in my body heat. The back had the wings of freedom emblem sown on the back.

"Its winter gear, but with you being sick it's the best I have at the moment." Levi looked me over

I turned on my heels causing the end of the cloak to twirl out as I spun. I opened the door and nearly skipped down the hall. I was probably pushing it, but the shower made me feel incredible. I made it down the stairs and took them slowly so I didn't get the cloak caught under my feet. Levi came up beside me and took each step at my pace. Once I made it to the landing I picked up the pace again until I reached the giant heavy doors that lead outside. I began to push against the door, but I was still too weak to open them on my own. I struggled and grunted as I kept pushing, but then Levi came up and gently pushed with me opening the door. He held it open so I could step out first. Crisp cold air hit my face sending a chill down my body. My lungs burned with each breath of the chilly air. I pulled the cloak tighter around me and walked down the steps, Levi at my heels. I coughed hoarsely after a few steps, the cold aggravating my lungs and sore throat, but I pushed on and walked towards the rose bushes. It wouldn't be long before the cold kills the blooms so I need to get my fill of their scent while I could. I stopped in front of a bush with pale pink roses and knelt down to pull out the dying blooms. Levi stood above watching my every move, though I was glad that the hood hid my face. I knew that my cheeks were probably rosy from the cold, and the tip of my nose red from the chilly air. Once I picked out the dead flowers I plucked one half bloomed rose and moved to the next bush beginning all over again. After the third bush I had to stop my lungs on fire and pushing me closer to a coughing fit. I slowly stood up a little shaky and sat down on a bench. I pressed the small bouquet to my nose and inhaled slowly. I let out my breath and stared down at the roses. Levi sat down next to me and looked out towards the grassy lawn that spanned out to the forest. I coughed softly and winced at the pain that was radiating through my chest again. I tried to hold back the worse of the cough, but it only caused the pain to increase.

"We should go back inside. That cough sounds bad." Levi looked over to me but still couldn't see my face

"No just a little bit longer." I pleaded

Levi didn't argue and turned his attention back in front of him. I shivered as a breeze came up and moved through the open spaces of the cloak.

Levi scooted closer to me, "Relax."

He placed an arm around my shoulders and his hand on the top of my head. I leaned into him and felt the warm of his body coming through the fabric of the cloak. The shivering stopped instantly and I was comforted by the warmth. We sat like that for a little while until I sneezed and Levi thought that it was getting to cold for me. I didn't argue with him this time. The effects of the shower were wearing off and I was growing increasingly tired. I walked back to Levi's room much slower than I had left, but I clutched my roses tightly to my chest. Once we got back to Levi's room he took the roses and placed them in a vase while I unclasped the cloak and pulled it off of me. I yawned and shuffled to the bed and climbed under the warm blankets. Levi hung up the cloak in the closet where he got in and then removed his shoes and coat and placed them in their rightful places. I figured he was going to go back to the desk and do whatever he does, but instead he pulled his shirt over his head and climbed on to the bed next to me.

"Is this because of the comment I made in the bathroom?" I smiled weakly barely keeping my eyes open

"The best way to get warm is to share body heat." Levi smiled softly, "But yes mostly because of what you said."

"I'm not that cold." I fought back

Levi placed his hand on my cheek, "You feel cold."

I rolled over on myside and faced him and reached out and placed my head on his chest right where his heart was, "You are hot compared to me… Maybe I'm colder than I thought."

I was still fighting my urge to sleep, but I didn't want to sleep not yet, not while Levi was next to me shirtless. I closed my eyes for a moment and I felt Levi adjusting his position next to me.

"Relax." He whispered in my ear

I nodded my head, "Mmmhmm."

Levi reached around me and pulled me over so that he was holding me with my head on his chest. He was warm and it felt nice against my cheek. I nuzzled my face into his skin and pressed my body against his side trying to get as much of his body heat as I could. I felt him stroking my hair and gently untangling it whenever he came across a knot. His other hand on my side holding me close to him, and his thumb repetitiously ran over my rib bones. I opened my eyes sleepily and looked down at the mountains that were his abs. I took my closest hand and ran my fingertips down his stomach like a washboard. I smiled and his abs tightened and I felt a suppressed laugh in chest.

"Are you ticklish?" I chuckled

"…No…" Levi hesitated

I ran my fingertips back down his abs with the same reaction.

"Yes you are." I cooed

"You are supposed to be sleeping not torturing me." I could hear the smile in his voice

"Fine…" I smiled to myself and closed my eyes and drifted to sleep while Levi continued to run his fingers through my hair.


End file.
